you are my heaven....maybe not so much...

you may not know this; yet you may.

But; i'm in love with you.

No, not some little kiddie crush you used to get when you thought someone was cute;

but; love actual, true, love.

I know you don't feel the same way,

but; so badly i wish you did.

The more you talk to me;

the more i talk to you.

The more you tell me all about how you feel.

all about everything;; how you've grown up;;

how you live, how you lived.

Everythingggggg.!!!!!

makes me want to tell you everything,

how much i care about you;

how much you mean to me.

The thought of you with someone else,

kills me.

I hate it.

I wish so terribly that i could tell you everything.

but; i know i can't.

Hell, i can't tell a sole,

just this page and myself.

No one else knows who i am;

or who i'm talking about.

Nothing else really matters to me right now;

but tellin you everything about my feelings.

and how much i honestly am in love with you.

i know i'm not yer age,

i'm 3 years younger.

yer life is just starting;

my childhood is just now ending.

God, how badly i wish i was older.

i wish i was old enough that we could get married and leave,

leave all this,

and start a life of out own.

But; that'll never happen.

You say that we'll get married jokingly,

all the time.

And you laugh; so do i.

But; to be honest;

that thought that you may not be the one that i marry;

TEARS me apart.

just kills me.

i wish that everthing was different,

that i was older.

and everything was different.

But;l wishes don't come true.

atleast not for me;

my wishes are like standing in the desert;

wishing for rain;

it'll never happen;

they'll never come true ever.

i could only be so lucky as to ever have something remotely good/plesant

heppen to me.

but there is nothing i can do about it.

The only few things i want right now;

is for everthing to just get a little bit easier,

and to have you.!

I love you....

(sorry, i don't have the guts to tell you this yet,

i hope when i do; its not to late)

soo..

right now,

everything is going really well,

everything is just going the way i plan.

my friends are still here,

and they've been letting me know that they are,

and i'm extremerly grateful.

i love you guys.

and i love my life.

i can't wait for the show tonight,

and the show decemeber 12th,

its a closed show,

invitation only.

abide in me,

though she wrote,

and others. :)

sooo excited.

already have my invite. :))))

i knoww...

what i'm learning from all of this,

and thats strength,

the strength to hold on,

the strength to carry on,

the strength to move on.

But does that lesson apply to strength,

or apply to weakening me,

just to show me that i HAVE to be strong.?

Everything is changing,

in my little world of hopes and dreams,

that'll probably NEVER come true.

Everything i've worked so hard to acheieve,

doesn't seem as relevent.

Everything i've done,

everything that i've become isn't what i wanted for myself.

I've changed,

And its all because of what you've done.

What i've done.

The little miniscule things that manage to tear,

every hope of normality from my hands.

Everything is changing.

Everything, just everything....

alonee..

For some reason, sometimes, i feel so alone in this world, like i'm the only one here. No one else exists, sometimes its one of those feelings you get, when you feel like absolutely no one understands you, not one single person, not one bit of understanding. No one gets you, or no one cares to take the time out to get you, just that nasty gut feeling that sometimes takes days to disolve. I get that feeling often. And it kills, does anyone no the remedy to my left alone feeling.?

just wanna let goo...

The aches and pains now have re-arisen. The feeling that yer heart is in yer stomach, the feeling of that terrible pain that never leaves. The thought of the feelings i brought you, and myself. Hatetred i'm sure is what you feel towards me, and i don't blame you, i feel the same towards myself. I ruined this, i wanted to keep the same feelings we had but with different intentions. But i blew it. I'm sorry. Now is the time for me to fall apart and break away the pieces to my life puzzle that remind me of this terrible mistake i've made. Although it was only for your sake, you were what i meant to save. You don't feel as though thats what i intended. I love You, and even though i sit here shuddering, and trembling about something so miniscule yet enlarged by the fact that you feel so strongly about me, just kills, i'm going to move on, not with another, but as though the fact will never cross my mind again, the fact that i hurt you deeply. i love you. and i'm sorry.

reporting from business tech...

Haaa,

With jesserssss

:)

shes my big seester.

gotta love errr

she's my big 16 year old noww.

:)

blah blah blah,

This school sucks.

i wanna go see chase.

I'll see him soon enoughh so what ever.! :)

i love you guys.

i love you jessers.

ughhhh

I'm finally happy again,

even though when i see you my heart falls into my stomach.

You both make me sick.

You and her.

ugh.

Disgusting sight.

But its okay.

becuase i've moved on.

its all about me and him now.

He's the one that makes me happy now.

I don't need you anymore.

i'm better off without you.

i can handle myself.

With 'er without you.

But, i have him, so i don't need you.!

:)

shittttttt

fuck this,
were over i'm fucking sad as hell but o well.
i'll get over it,
The pain can only last so long.

fuck

i'm so tired of this shit.
i'm so tired of not seeing him lately.
all this is bullshit.
i didn't get to see him all week and now he's fucking sick.
WTF.!
plus he told me that he promised we'd hang out today and whta happens,
he gets sick and we don't.
'fuck this god damn shit.
i'm so fucking tireddd of it all.
i love you.
just quit doing this.

hhahahah me n beau

Love Compatibility of Aquarius with Taurus
Although you pride yourself on being open, you resist change just as much as your stubborn Taurus partner. The difference is, you're also likely to change your mind at the drop of a hat, while Taurus refuses to give in or give up -- ever. Once your Bull lets you into his or her heart - something that doesn't happen easily - it becomes impossible to let you go

omg.. lol.

Love Compatibility of Taurus with Aquarius
If there's one thing a Bull hates, it's having your senses rattled by uncertainty. You like to know where you stand. You need to know. Unfortunately, the eccentric ways and strange ideas of an Aquarius won't give you the security you crave. On the bright side, it's possible for you to be a soothing, grounding influence on airy Aquarius. Since you're both fixed signs, you're both set in your ways. This can cause a problem when you argue -- your stubbornness is no match for Aquarian's know-it-all attitude. See, your partner actually does know everything

Jess,

i love you soo much.

yer my bestfriend.

i miss you bunchesss.

i know yer gonna read this and i'm glad you will.

we need to have a girls night again.

we haven't had one in a longgg time.

ily.

and we'll get together and party soon.

:)

ugh

i hate those retarded people who don't take me seriously.

the people who hit me when i'm down.

The people who don't fucking care.

the people that start the bullshit i try to avoid.

The people that kill me inside with harsh words and unkind actions
the people that have no lives so they steal others.

the people that can't stand the though that someone is happier than them.

the people who take advantage of me love.

The people who don't return my love.

The people who can't see the true pain feel EVERY day.

the people who can't see the sadness that hallows out my heart.

the people who take things way to far.

The people who pick apart my only hope of every being truely happy.


...can't those people just fucking leave me alone...
Or is that too much to ask.
?

pre-written

is this what they call
butterflies
my heads in the
clouds and my hearts in the sky,
and i want her to land so we can
catch a train and fade away into
the night arrive today she’ll be
gone next week i’ll hold her
hand, thats if she’ll let me he
looked into her eyes and saw
their fate pre-written no-one can
stop them now no-one can make
them listen i like you is what
he said and i like you too is
what she said back i want you is
what he said as she kissed his
lips and pushed his head
back without you, i’d be empty i
love you your the best thing that
i could ever wish for and now
your mine and i am yours.

Jessosaurus Rex

This girl is my best friend.

She came to my school from maryland

And shes been my friend ever since.

i was the first one that she clicked with.

She came into my class and saw me spinnin in my rolly chair,

she was totally thinking "what a nerd",

but she still came in a sat down right in the chair next to mine.

:)

We talked each day,

And told eachother stories of our past.

We always have a good time when were together.

Shes my girl.

We have eachothers backs.

And we both know that.

i love her with all my heart/

Shes the girl i look foreward to seeing at school each day.

She's also the girl that if she got sick,

I would skip school just to go take care of her.

:D

Shes is the person that i care alot about.

We NEVER fight,

We get along so well.

We're like family to eachother.

And believe me that will never change.

If by any chance she has to move away,

i'll always remember her.

i'll never ever forget her.

i love you jessica lynn.! >.<

okahhahhyyy.

So baby keep my heart beat b'beat beat beating.

She's the soul reason I keep believing, that were goingTo die like this you know, oh oh oh.

Hey hey, beautiful the sunshine shines oh oh so bright, alright.

Lay back I'll spend the night just staring at you.

For every grain of sand, that you drew me pictures in.

Yeah there was one for every time that my heart dropped again.

Close your eyes don't say a word. your way to beautiful you heard.

The way the way my heart keeps beat b'beat beat beating

Hold your head high heavy heart.

So take a chance and make it big, 'Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.

If we don’t take it, when will we make it?

I make plans to break plans,

And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big, planning.

Cross my heart, hope to die

I swear i won't say what happened that night.

So starting today things are gonna be all right

Your best you tried, and yeah you did fine

No better than fine, perfect in my mind

In fact, i wish your heart was mine

And i can hear the memory in my ears

Back to the years and all those tears

But hear me when i say im glad that we steered that way

'cause now we're here

(:

My friends are my life,
and i couldn't live without them.
They keep me safe,
they keep me sane,
they keep me from becoming what would destroy me,
my inner core rests in their hands,
my outer core rests in mine,
I contain heat like the sun but they cool me down,
incredible i know,
ingenious as life truly is,
my friends are my LIFE!

wow

I Train my eyes to concentrate on negativity,

Positive emotions never come easy.

Taking my life one simple step at a time,

Destroys how i see everything,

Great or UN-great.

i take my time thinking thoroughly,

and waiting for the right things to say without harsh penetration of heart and mind.

Taking great leaps into despair i demand a better life than those less fortunate.

Taking notes on how to be great and UN-suppressed in life's great battle to defeat those who make you feel powerless and UN-worthy of greatness,

We take away their ability to turn us into nothingness.

We abide by the rules our rightful owner has given us,

And upon our creation we defy those rules and,

WE are created.

idk

sometimes I feel like there are burdens peaking over your shoulderwhen you feel you have it all, you don't have shit lately, I have felt betrayed and for this..I have felt not worthy and now I'm fading away slowly and growing distant from everyone and everything!

i can't stop this...

why do i always feel this way,Its an on going feeling that never goes away.My heart skips beats and my breaths go short,I can't stand this feeling anymore.I don't know what to do.I'm worthless and affraid...or at least i feel that way.I can' live like this anymore..This ongoing sadness just keeps bringing me down.i'm never totally happy... not completely.i'm sad alot and i walk around with a fake smile on.i hide my feelings with fake facial emotions and lies about how i feel at the moment.I can't stand feeling this way much longer.Please help me figure out why i can't put a true smile on my face....And make it through the day with out a lie of my true feelings... ):

D:

i need to see a smile,
i need to see someone with a heart,
I need to see someone caring for someone,
I need to be lifted up,
Before its too late...i'm falling faster and faster everyday.

I can't take much more of this unsettling pain,
This non-stop stomach ache.

Someone show me that time does heal.

And life does go on, so i must live it out.

I really can't see much good in life right now.

I look for god but for some reason he's no where to be found,
Please save me....I need help....
):